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Worried you're selfish? Read this.

joy less stress motivation self-care Jul 25, 2021

Do you worry you’re being selfish?

Do you ever take time for yourself, and find it’s hard to enjoy it because there are so many other things you should be doing?

Do you ever feel guilty when you spend money on yourself? Like you should be saving it or using it for something or someone else?

Or maybe you make yourself the priority for a change and someone actually calls you out and says you’re being selfish?

Ick.

There’s a lot of expectations put on us… from ourselves and others and it all piles up. Let me ask you this… 

How often do you give yourself permission to put YOURSELF first? 

Or to invest in yourself and your personal growth? Or to work on your dream?

Less often, right? Or maybe never.

For so many of us, we’re raised to believe the most important thing is to put everyone else first and anything less than that is “selfish.” We’re taught that’s our role. That’s our job. To take care of others.

And maybe you enjoy taking care of others? I know I love helping people.

But if you continually put yourself last and everyone else first, what happens?

You exhaust yourself.

You get grumpy or resentful, even.

You start to wonder why someone isn’t putting YOU first. And it poisons your relationships and your feelings about yourself.

I used to have a huge chip on my shoulder. I was always complaining. Here I am doing ALL THESE THINGS for my spouse and my in-laws and my church and why isn’t anyone showing up at my door with a plate of cookies or a hug? I was in the worst mental shape of my life. One day my sweet husband sat me down and said, “You can’t keep being so negative.”

I took it… poorly. 😬

I sobbed. I raged. I told him he didn’t understand.

Then I had to leave for a business trip. And I did some thinking… am I really negative? I wondered Yes. But wasn’t it everyone else’s fault?… err… hmmmm… well… probably not. 

I realized who I was becoming was my responsibility. 

So I decided I was going to become a positive person. And I started reading books that could help me do that and I started exercising, eating better, writing in a gratitude journal… I gave meditating a try and found it wasn’t so bad.

I started pouring my best and first energy of the day into myself and guess what happened?

I became more positive.

I was nicer to my sweet husband.

I found I could look around and see the good in my life instead of all the bad.

I became a better daughter, sister, wife, and friend.

Even though I always thought pouring energy into myself was “selfish,” it seemed to be making me a better person… 

When you take care of yourself, you’re better able to care for others. 

When you invest in your personal growth and dreams, you set a good example for those around you.

When you take the time for self-care, you’re not being selfish, you’re being self-less.

One of my Unlock Your 5-Star Future students was really struggling with feeling selfish but desperately needed some alone time. Once we were able to establish that getting alone time would help her recharge and be a better wife and mother, she started implementing 30 minutes of alone time every evening. She would tell her teenagers and her hubby that from 8-8:30pm she wasn’t to be disturbed. She used that time for meditating and yoga and journaling… and guess what? She found she was more patient with her family and started sleeping better because she had that wind down time!

Self care is the opposite of selfish and it will help you become 5-Star Future You. 

It’s only in engaging in growth and self-care that you’re able to unlock your full potential.

So what do you need to add to your routine? Is it alone time? Friend time? Bath time? Do you need to take a walk every evening? 

What will help you recharge and rejuvenate so you can be better at what matters to you most?

That’s today’s challenge… figure out what 15 to 30-minute thing you can do most days and start the habit today.

You’ve got this!

Love,

Mel

P.S. You are worthy of care and love and respect… FROM YOURSELF. Self-care is selfless. 

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